SPHDZ 4 Life! by Jon Scieszka

Author:Jon Scieszka
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers

“RED BULL GIVES YOU WINGS,” said TJ.

“But Aleve is ALL DAY STRONG, ALL DAY LONG,” answered Venus.

Major Fluffy ate another Almond Joy.

He jumped into his wheel, ran like mad, spun around, and flipped out again.

And again.

And again.

No one in room 501-B was going anywhere or saving anyone anytime soon.

The purple octopus spun slowly overhead for hours.

Michael K. wobbled. His head was full of weird sea creatures and that nonstop xylophone tune.

“Now?” said the chief.

Michael K. took a deep breath. He shook his head. “Never.”

“Arrrrrrrrr!” yelled the chief.

“Beep,” beeped the coffeemaker on the chief’s desk. And then it started talking. “Brew finished. Chief, report!”

The chief jumped like he had been shocked. “General Accounting!” the chief squeaked in a very high voice. “It is so good to hear from you.”

“What is report?” hissed the coffeemaker. “Gonf must be bllrrped NOW!”

“Oh, yes!” said the chief. “I’ve got everything under control.” The chief looked frantically around his office. “Just about ready . . .”

“No more time, Chief,” said the coffeemaker. “You are—”

“All set!” said the chief. “We are all set for graduation! It’s a very big ceremony here on Earth. Perfect for bllrrping Gonf!”

“PSSSSSSS,” said the coffeemaker.

The chief grabbed the microphone for the school PA system. “Here, listen! I was just going to make the announcement to all of the Earth persons.” The chief pressed the speak button on the microphone. “Attention, all classes. Attention. This is your principal. I have decided that school is over. Graduation is tomorrow at noon. And I have a very big surprise for everyone.”

Michael K. heard the sound of surprised cheers from the classrooms.

“Hmmmmmm,” said the coffeemaker. “Earth tomorrow at noon. That is the End. Beep!” The coffeemaker powered off.

The chief plopped down in his chair. He looked at Michael K.

“Now it’s time to get serious.”

* * *

Outside the principal’s office the kids and teachers of P.S. 858 chattered and hummed with excitement. Graduation tomorrow. Summer vacation was coming early.

In room 501-B, Mrs. Halley and her fifth graders were a mess.

Everyone had crashed. And crashed hard. Kids were sprawled on tables, curled in the Science Corner, passed out under the math bins, snoring facedown on their laptop keyboards.

Mrs. Halley sat perfectly upright in her chair, but her eyes were closed, and she was furiously dreaming of winning Math Blaster and mowing down enemy attackers.

* * *

Inside the principal’s office was an even bigger mess.

The chief unleashed every AAA and evil intergalactic trick he knew to break Michael K.

The chief tried sad-eyed puppies, elevator music, flashing neon lights.

Michael K. still said no.

Morning turned into afternoon.

All of the kids and teachers, except room 501-B, went home to get ready for Graduation tomorrow.

The chief tried snakes and spiders, terrible smells, promises of candy.

Michael K. still said no.

Afternoon turned into evening.

Room 501-B woke up and started gaming, watching, and wanting again.

The chief tried foot tickling, scary stories, offers of fame and money.

Michael K. still said no.

Evening turned into night.

Except for classroom 501-B and the principal’s office, P.S. 858 was dark and quiet.

“This is getting ridiculous,” said Michael K.

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